It’s a pleasure to share the following teaching by Pat Stark which was streamed on Mother’s Day from The Covenant Center. As she invites us to look at the wounded places in our hearts that may block God’s River of Life, we learn “we are all unable to live our lives from the heart in a healthy way without our living from Christ in us.” Our insufficiency or weakness in the world is often seen as inability, but in His kingdom it is viewed as surrender that transforms into strength.
Pat reminds us that God is a nurturer and we are also meant to nurturer with Him. Life is sometimes messy and we all fall short at times. However, when we become aware of the voices of darkness that we have accepted from our youth, life and joy will spring forth and we will become aware more fully that in Him we live, move and have our being. Acts 17:28 declares: “For in Him we live and move and exist, as even some of your own poets have said, ‘For we also are His descendants.”
In His Love, Becky
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Heart Matters by Pat Stark
We can’t give what we don’t have!
That’s why inner emotional healing is so important. Look at our childhoods… Too often our physical needs were taken care of, but there was not much nurturing of our hearts, or perhaps there was even shaming that happened to us instead.
That shaming sometimes comes with words. Words like, “What is wrong with you?” “That’s so stupid!” “I can’t believe you did that!” Or maybe there were “unspoken words” directed toward us that came in the form of a sigh or look of disgust. Unfortunately, all that brought us a “message,” we received deeply in our hearts about ourselves. And if it happened often, that message was reinforced many times over, building a stronghold deep within us.
Sadly, the message we received, we don’t often remember with our brain; but it is one that is imprinted deeply on our hearts, even if we don’t consciously remember it. “As a man thinks within his heart so is he,” Proverbs tells us.
Those messages had words like: “I don’t matter.” “I don’t measure up.” “I’m a mistake.” “I’m a disappointment.” “I’m a failure”, and others. We all have our own version. Those were deceitful, lying messages that gave us a false identity at the core of our being. They were locked deeply inside, many times hidden even from ourselves, except we live out of them every day of our lives. Those messages can cause us to either shrink back and refuse to risk or try to prove ourselves through our performance.
Our minds and bodies can be taught many things, but our hearts often feel disconnected and alone. Then, we can have a difficult time connecting with our own true selves or knowing what is really going on within us, or connecting with God as a loving Father, or deeply connecting with others, causing us to often feel rejected. We also can try to over-connect with others to get our previously unmet needs met. We often give our hands in service without ever giving our hearts and then we wonder why people don’t respond. We do good things but never have heart connection.
God is a Nurturer
God is a nurturer, and we are meant to be nurturers with Him. Look at all living things. An orange tree for example. If it is nurtured with water, fertilizer and sunshine it can produce sweet, beautiful, juicy oranges. But if neglected, even if fruit appears at all, the oranges can taste very sour.
Families grow healthy with nurturing and connection from the heart. Marriages and relationships grow healthy with nurturing and connection from the heart. Otherwise, we can still feel very lonely in a family. Why? There is often no heart connection, even when everyone seemingly gets along on the surface.
Example ~ I’ve seen many marriages through the years where one of the partners thought everything was fine and then all of a sudden, the other wants a divorce. Why? There was usually no real heart connection, no nurturing of the marriage. We all long to be known and seen, and accepted, not just tolerated.
We have all failed in valuing and hearing the other well; as we all have felt we were failed by others in our own lives. That’s why heart forgiveness is so important or resentment builds. Learning to accept God’s forgiveness and forgiving ourselves where we have failed others, and yes, sometimes even forgiving God when we feel he wasn’t there for us in the way we desired in certain circumstances is an important practice. The more we face our own failings and forgive ourselves, the easier it is to forgive others for their failures. Even with our best intentions, in our own humanity, we have often made a mess!
We have all come short in our humanity! Coming short often feels like a shame thing, but it is really a human thing. As long as we see our failures as shame, we will try to hide, fix or cover over our emotions. But as we own our mess, our humanity, our legitimate shame, our failures, like how we have hurt or failed another, we can honestly meet Jesus there lovingly offering us forgiveness. That is “clean” and restorative,
instead of hiding it or covering it over with false spirituality. As we humbly embrace how easy it is for us to mess up, we become truly desperate for Jesus to walk with us, to heal and rebuild.
When We are Weak He is Strong
We are meant to embrace our weakness, but most people I’ve spoken with hate weakness. It feels uncomfortable, but it is a path to victory. From 2 Corinthians, we learn it is also a path to freedom. Paul tells us, “If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness,” 2 Corinthians 11:30.
Again, we learn from Paul, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses …so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong,” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV.
“For to be sure, Jesus was crucified in weakness, yet he lives by God’s power. Likewise, we are weak in him, yet by God’s power we will live with him….” 2 Corinthians 13:4 NIV.
Sadly, it too often takes difficult and painful circumstances for us to begin to face ourselves honestly. And although the enemy wants to destroy us through difficult circumstances, God wants to actually bring healing to deeper places within us through them.
From Isaiah 30: “The Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!”
“Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Then you will desecrate your idols (or the false systems we have trusted in to make life work our own way) … you will throw them away …”
“He will also send you rain for the seed you sow in the ground, and the food that comes from the land will be rich and plentiful. In that day your cattle will graze in broad meadows. The moon will shine like the sun, and the sunlight will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven full days, when the Lord binds up the bruises of his people and heals the wounds he inflicted.”
Trials Bring Perspective of Our Need For Him
In reality, we are ALL unable to live our lives from the heart in a healthy way without our living from CHRIST IN US. Sadly, we can know this spiritually, but what is the fruit of our lives revealing? Our fruit reveals where we really are and where we are stuck. For example, in our relationships, how do we respond when things do not go well? When we listen to the News? What is our reaction? When we feel powerless in a situation or when it’s unfair — what is our response? Jesus said, “By their fruit you shall know them.” Is our fruit, harshness, anxiety, short temper, fear, anger? Do we avoid uncomfortable situations? Escape?
We all come short, we are all a mess but that’s not shame, it’s our humanity. It is the way we were designed to recognize our need for Jesus’ life in us. It is meant to drive us to Jesus in surrender, allowing Him to live His life in us and through us in greater measure than ever before. WE ALL NEED JESUS MORE THAN WE HAVE EVER KNOWN!
Pat Stark is the author of Born to Fly: Pursuing the Life You Were Meant to Live…Free; Lost Heart: A Guide to Living From Your Heart in a Broken World, and The Story of Life: The Life We All Try to Find,” available on Amazon, as well as The Covenant Center bookstore. Her message brings freedom and hope in the midst of a world of uncertainty. Her desire is to see people restored to who they were originally created to be before they were wounded by the hurts of life. She is gifted in dealing with root issues lying beneath the surface that have kept people trapped and unable to experience true freedom. Pat has worked with people for over 40 years in the area of deep spiritual and emotional healing. She is an ordained minister through The Covenant Center, Lakeland, Florida.
Contact: info@thecovenantcenter.com