Pat Stark
When we begin to allow ourselves to experience life without wearing our rose colored glasses, we often come face to face with some disappointed hopes, desires, frustrations, sorrows, injustices, and a general reflection of the brokenness of the world we currently live in. Most of us have spent a lifetime trying to push away, control, or redesign that realty. Without warning we can and have all experienced things like the death of a loved one, the finality of an unwanted divorce, an unexpected illness, the pain of betrayal in a valued relationship, the sudden loss of a job, or simply an unfulfilled desire we have concerning our family or close friends — often even with God. Our simple desires, especially around the holidays, are often thwarted with so many feeling forgotten, rejected, abandoned, or depressed.
Where is God in all this, especially when we are feeling so very alone, forsaken, and sometimes even forgotten by him and others? I see Jesus weeping because it was never meant to be this way: a “Man of Sorrows” who experienced that grief too. However, because of his own suffering, death and resurrection, he is now a Redeemer of things stolen, a Restorer of broken hearts so that we can now experience a “fellowship in our suffering” with him and he with us when we are willing to allow ourselves to enter our grief with him.
This is not the Garden he originally created for us to enjoy. Many of us have spent far too much energy trying to recreate that Garden the way it was originally intended to be; and in that struggle, we often find ourselves angry, frustrated, depressed, and struggling to make life work according to our picture, and make it be fair. The reality is that this world isn't fair -- it wasn't fair for Jesus as they abused him and hung him on a cross even though he was the only perfect man who had ever lived! If it wasn’t fair for Jesus, you can bet it won't be fair or just for us at times. One day on the other side, yes, but not here.
Then what do we do when our heart breaks over some loss or disappointment in our lives? What do we do with our fears of the insecurity of life and those things our hearts were created for, the things we had hoped for? What do we do with that slow ache that resides far down in the depths of our soul, the vague feelings of disillusionment that we have experienced over and over in relationships, jobs, church, ministry, even with God and ourselves if we can no longer bury them, or even hide those feelings under our survival system of choice? We can't just carry them so there must be a way to release them and find the peace that passes understanding and the joy of life even in their midst! Grief is part of life in a broken world. If we don’t release our sorrows and disappointments with mourning, we bury them internally and carry the emotions, often in our physical bodies as sickness, and miss the release and comfort God provides.
Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted,” Matthew 5:4 NIV.
Mourning our Grief
God's way of helping us to release a loss of any kind is through grieving. Too often we put grieving only in the category of death, but it is far bigger than that. Any loss, major or seemingly minor, when mourned, can be released.
Grieving begins with acknowledging and facing that loss, not just in general, but as our pain-filled loss. It is listening to the voice of our own heart in that moment and allowing ourselves to feel emotions like anger, disappointment, sadness, depression, distraction, anxiety, and even fear, putting our own words to them.
Because our emotions are the voice of our hearts, they are telling us what our hearts are feeling and when we refuse to acknowledge the feeling, we can stay stuck in that particular emotion for years even though we bury it and try to move on. But when we allow ourselves to “mourn” our loss, we will continue to move through the pain finally coming to a place of acceptance and peace.
As we allow ourselves to mourn our losses, the eyes of our hearts become open to see the many gifts God is giving; some very small and others that are amazing, right in the midst of the losses of our lives that bring new adventure to each day. The more we allow ourselves to face our losses, we begin to see with new eyes of wonder that the difficult and sad are often mixed in with the beautiful and wonderful. In the same hour we can experience a wonderful "gift" through a moment of joy along with a major disappointed desire. How do we handle that mixture? By remembering we all desire to live "happily ever after" as the fairly tales have portrayed —and it would have been our experience had we remained in the Garden, but unfortunately the fall of man messed up that picture completely. So until we one day live on the other side of the “veil”, we will live here with mixture and we desperately need God to walk with us in the midst of both our sorrows and our joys.
“...weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning,” Psalms 30:5 NIV.
“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever,” Psalms 30:11-12 NIV.
